Fat Choice/Thin Choice

 As it currently stands when I started this post (27-Aug-2019) according to my doctors BMI chart I am overweight. For a 5’8″ 190lb male, I am hovering just 10lbs below official obesity. Of course this isn’t the first time I’ve been this heavy. At one point I was Fat Kevin. However I’ve also been Thin Kevin too. Of course I don’t have pictures to corroborate that. You’ll just have to trust me. At my best post 21yrs old shape I was about 165lbs. The point is my weight has fluctuated with great range across about 40lbs.

My approach to weight is to ignore it until it really becomes a problem. Until I’m so heavy that I feel it even more than I see it. Until I get winded from doing basic things like going up stairs. I hate cardio. I hate breathing heavy. I hate exercising for the sake of exercising. I rarely push myself physically unless there is some sort of game involved.

Then of course comes the question “Why workout at all?” Why is this even a concern of mine? Honestly fitness is far from the forefront. Health isn’t event a concern. I’m not worried about having a heart attack at 55 or the deterioration of my spine as I slouch through most of my career. I hardly care about Future Kevin’s health at all. So what are my reasons to even begin to care about this?

Sex. I want to be thin enough to be attractive so that women will consider sleeping with me. I know that may sound shallow, but consider… It is, it is shallow. I’m pretty shallow. I can hardly say that I’m relationship material nor do I necessarily even want to chase down sleeping with a woman. There is a lot of energy that is expended before and after convincing a woman you’re a worthwhile mate. “ooooh, look at me! I’m a good choice. I have things like empathy and steady income” and then later on “oh yeah my job isn’t going so hot. I think I’m going to have to work late. What are we? What do you mean we?” Not to mention the fierce sprinting that takes place when the word “commitment” is mentioned. It reminds me of all that exercise nonsense and I hate exercise. I mostly, just want them to consider sleeping with me. Oddly enough all I want is for them to stroke my… ego.

Next in line after that is my parents. I know, this is getting classically Freudian… Seriously though both of my parents were over weight my whole life. They would say things like “That’s just what happens when you get old.” My parents seemed to leave a lot up to the planchette of the universe despite their advocating for my personal responsibility. Being overweight seemingly just happened as a function of age. This always bothered me. It seemed as though there was more too it than that. That somehow being overweight was some sort of… hmmm choice?

Now I will say that people come in different shapes and sizes. Not everyone who is big or round has become so as a consequence of neglecting themselves. What I know about myself though is I have been thin. It is possible. A lot of that was pre drinking age and pre drivers license. Even after those things I have been what my doctors BMI chart would declare normal. God bless, I’ve never been underweight. So it seems for me my weight and body shape is a direct result of my choices.

I have hopped on the Keto diet wagon, I’ve attempted to eat low calorie, I have against my better judgement attempted to exercise. Sometimes I’ll see the needle move. Most notably post divorce I dropped from 205 (obese) to 185 (overweight) and then again after I quit drinking from 185 to 165 (5lbs above normal). Of course it hasn’t stuck like some sort of secret I’ve unlocked. More or less I will work at any problem in my life until I realize it’s solvable, then once a solution is even on the horizon I often lose interest. Being overweight is no exception to this. I will work enough to reasonably move the needle get close to what I’m looking for and than move on to something else.

All of my plans for weight loss though have been pretty canned. Keto diet has to do with rigidly following guidelines for macro nutrients in which 80% of your diet is fat. The fun part about the Keto diet is it’s high stakes. Basically you load your diet up with fat and cut the carbs/protein and hope to go into the mystical state of ketosis where calories melt like polar icecaps in the modern age. However if you do succumb to that office doughnut or bagel WHAM! You lose! All your magic fat has been converted back into regular fat. Regular fat pairs well with your weak constitution. Now you’re fat. Might as well have another doughnut. And so the cycle continues round and round, like a doughnut, or you, because you’re fat now (again). And that thought that now you’re fat so you should eat more food, that is a fat choice.

Legitimizing Chart

I’ve been thinking about this a bit. Not a lot. Just enough to write a blog post. So like typical Internet expert on nothing I decided to take action based on little or no facts. I started to carve up my day into thin choices or fat choices. Thin choices being choices that would overtime lead to me getting back to a “normal” weight and fat choices are any choices that lead back to Fat Kevin. And oh god do I want to be normal so bad I can taste it (it tastes like rice cakes).

So what’s the goal here? I thought if I could get into the habit of asking myself regularly if what I’m doing is a thin choice or a fat choice I can raise some level awareness into my day to day practices. Once I start to observe that then I would start to alter the types of choices I make. Alternatively I might just resign to larding up, but then I can just market it as maturity and acceptance. Until then however I want that ego stroked and I want it stroked hard. I want to make all the thin choices, but not thin mint choices because those are actually fat choices. In true blogging fashion I’ll give this project a month (assuming I last that long). A month worth of research should be enough time to show prominent life changing results or I’ll conclude this is a worthless endeavor. Either way there will be more pictures.